JAN

16

I spent last night behind bars because of Adam Eaton. Thank goodness for lifelong buddy Corey, or I may still be in the dank cell in Philly...he posted my bail. Don't worry bro, I'll pay you back later. Why was I arrested? How was it Adam Eaton's fault? Here's how the story goes... My ever mounting hatred of Adam Eaton reached its apex last night after allowing 6 runs in less than 4 innings. I couldn't take it anymore, the man is a disgrace to a Phillies uniform, he is pitching so crappy that he'd be released if it weren't for his outlandish 3 year 24.5 million dollar contract. Patty G was even quoted after the game as to saying, "Yeah, he sucks. I should have never signed him, but hindsight is 30-30." Wow, he's as retarded as Manuel! Anyway, back to the story, so after watching Charlie take the ball from Eaton's limp hand in the top of the 4th, I hopped in my car and headed down to the stadium in a fit of fury. There I waited for about 3 hours for the opportunity to take back what's ours...the Phillies money. See, in all honesty, I thought I was doing the honorable thing that any upstanding law abiding citizen would do, but the cops didn't see it that way. I was lurking in the depths of the night darkness behind a black Hummer when I saw Eaton emerge from the clubhouse tunnel. I quickly encountered him and demanded he retire. He must of thought I was drunk, because he chuckled and asked if I had a pen...like I wanted an autograph from this no-talent ass-clown. Well, turns out I did want an autograph, so I let him sign my t-shirt with the Sharpie I had in my pocket, but that's not important to the story. After giving me his John Hancock (that's sounds dirty) he continued walking towards his vehicle, so I politely tapped him on his shoulder and demanded he retire once again. This is where it gets ugly...Eaton told me to "bug off" or something to that effect, and then I bitch-slapped him, took his wallet and car keys and sped off in his Porsche Cayenne. No, I wasn'...

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