The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is in no way related to Kevin McHale and who has taken the necessary legal steps to ensure that it stays that way. When he's not memorizing Gheorghe Muresan's Wikipedia entry, he can be found curing cancer at Basketbawful. Enjoy!

• "They've got nothing to lose." That's what Hedo Turkoglu had to say about the Miami Heat after the Magic mocked their ugliness with a 107-91 smackdown. But you know what? He's wrong. The Heat still have 38 more games to play, which means there's plenty of losing ahead of them! That, my friends, is what I call a glass half full. Of poop. Anyway, the Turkish Terror led Orlando with 27 points (8-for-13), 12 rebounds, and 5 assists, while Dwight Howard chipped in with 16 boards, 13 boards, and 4 smother chickens. The Heat were missing Dwyane Wade (painful embarrassment), Shaq (fell and still cannot get up), and Udonis Haslem (hair appointment), so only Ricky Davis was left to lead them (25, 5, and 4).

• Your hate makes you powerful. The Raptors were pissed about the previous night's overtime loss to the Wizards, but a rare quirk in the schedule gave them an immediate shot at a revenge game. Said Jose Calderon: "We were mad about (Tuesday) night's game so we just came out and played our basketball game by being more aggressive." (You could almost make out Emperor Palpatine standing behind Jose, urging him on, "Good, use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you!") In the end, Toronto transformed their hate into a mighty ...

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